So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
