just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The Olympian is in my bed
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