My friends, they love my intelligence
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
