I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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