haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
