So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
