Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
