I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
