I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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