i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
