I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
