I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
