Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
