Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
