My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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