Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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