Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
