i don't like sucking hair
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
