"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
