Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
