Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
