i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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