another moral hangover. fuck.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you never un-have a 4some
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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