she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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