Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
