There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize