ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
