very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
