My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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