when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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