So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
This girl is more easily done than said...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
