I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
