Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
