I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
