So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
