Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
