yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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