I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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