just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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