my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
