We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
