i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
