I got chris browned last night
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
