HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
