i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
