There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We don't watch enough power rangers
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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