WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so let's talk penis.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
