I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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