i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
