Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
