I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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