i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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