maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
