last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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