Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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