just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
