Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
