OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
